Chapter 1:I Don't Want To Say Goodbye
by MonicaKateBingCastle
Summary: After Mark's funeral Elizabeth shows signs of depression. Can her friends help her.......A Elizabeth/Carter/Kerry friendship story
1. Default Chapter

This Story takes place right after *On The Beach*   
  
Disclaimer: All ER Characters belong to Warner Bros., Michael Crichton, and NBC  
  
This is a Elizabeth/Carter/Kerry friendship story  
  
After the funeral Elizabeth stars showing signs of depression and Kerry and Carter try to help her but will   
they be able to?   
  
  
Chapter 1: I Don't Want To Say Goodbye  
  
Elizabeth sat on the sofa in her living room looking around at all the people Mark had touched. She dabbed her eyes with tissue. Her tears were non stop. She loved Mark. She loved him so much and now he was gone. He would never hold her , kiss her, or tell her loved her again. She glanced over at Rachel holding Ella on her lap. They would have to grow up with out their father. Rachel was almost 15 but Ella she was just a baby she would probably have no memory of her father.   
  
  
Elizabeth reached for some more tissue. She spotted Doug and Carol walking toward her. Carol started crying as soon as she saw Elizabeth. Doug looked at her with sad eyes. "I'm so sorry Elizabeth" he whispered. "Mark was like a brother to me" She nodded as more tears filled her eyes. Carol sat down beside her. "Mark was very special he saved my life and Kate's life I loved him" she said softly as more tears filled her eyes.   
  
  
Elizabeth couldn't take it any more "Stop it, just stop it" she said as she got up and ran to the kitchen. She was leaning over the sink sobbing when she heard a soft voice. "Elizabeth" she turned and was surprised to see Kerry standing there. "I know" she said through her tears "I'm so sorry ,I'll miss him, Are you okay Elizabeth" "I've heard it a million times" "I wish people would stop telling me that they're sorry" I wish people would stop asking me if I'm okay" More tears spilled from her eyes as she grabbed a coffee mug from the dish rack and slammed it into the sink. "Because I'm not okay, I'll never be okay again my husband just died" She looked right at Kerry. "How could he do this to me Kerry how could he leave me"   
  
  
Kerry brushed away her own tears and stepped closer to her pulling her into a hug. Elizabeth cried into Kerry's shoulder. "I loved him so much, we were suppose to be together forever" Kerry sighed sadly tears filling her eyes too. "I know" she whispered "I know" "Sometimes life doesn't go the way we want it to but at least you got to know Mark and you got to love him even if was only for a short time." Elizabeth was about to say something when she heard a familiar song being played. She pulled away from Kerry and walked back into the living room.   
  
  
She stood there looking around the room at all the faces of her and Mark's friends. Doug and Carol sat on the love seat. Doug was holding Carol as she cried. Susan sat nearby a steady stream of tears rolled down her cheeks. Carter stood by the fireplace holding a stethoscope in his hands. Jeanie and Reggie were sitting together. Reggie squeezed her hand gently letting her know he was there. Malucci sat alone. He knew people wouldn't be too happy to see him but he had liked Mark and he wanted to be there to say his final goodbyes. Abby sat with Luka her eyes red from crying. Anna was standing alone looking at some photos of Mark and his family that sat on the mantel. Peter sat with Cleo her head resting on his shoulder. Robert, Donald and Dr. Swift were engaged in some sort of conversation. Jing Mei stood staring out the window and Gallant and Maggie were talking with several of the nurses.   
  
  
  
Elizabeth noticed Rachel near the stereo holding Ella. Singing softly to her as she gently rocked her. Elizabeth couldn't take it anymore. She looked at Rachel. "Turn it off" she said as tears slid down her cheeks. Rachel looked at her tears filling her eyes. "Elizabeth it's daddy's lullaby I was playing it for Ella" Elizabeth glared at her "I don't care I..I don't want to hear it...just...just turn it off" By now everyone was looking at her and Rachel. Rachel was worried about Elizabeth. She gently touched her arm. "Elizabeth I think you need..." Elizabeth interrupted her " I don't need anything Rachel the only thing I ever needed is gone" She cried as she ran up the stairs in tears.   
  
  
  
Elizabeth made her way to her bedroom. She threw herself on the bed. She sobbed into her pillow for what seemed like hours. She sat up and noticed some of Mark's medication still sitting on the nightstand. She reached over and grabbed the bottle. She opened it and poured the pills into her hand. She looked at their wedding picture sitting on the nightstand. Fresh tears ran down her cheeks as she looked from the picture to the pills sitting in her hand.  
  
  
  
Carter watched Elizabeth run upstairs. He knew the signs of depression all too well. After the stabbing and Lucy's death he had his own battle with depression. He became addicted to pain killers and at times he even had thoughts of suicide. Thankfully he had friends like Peter, Mark, and Kerry. They'd helped him get through some of the most difficult times of his life. They were his true friends. He looked up at the empty stairs. Elizabeth needed a true friend right now. He made his way upstairs. He walked to Elizabeth's room.   
  
  
Elizabeth had gotten up and went to the bathroom. She now sat on the bed with a glass of water and the handful of pills. She was startled by a knock on the door. "Elizabeth its Carter can I come in" Elizabeth sat there silently thinking maybe if she didn't answer he'd go away. Carter got worried when she didn't answer. He opened the door and waked in to see Elizabeth sitting there with the water and the pills.   
  
He walked over to her. "Elizabeth its going to be okay, you don't need to do this" he whispered. She looked at him her eyes filled with tears again. "My mind is made up Carter I'll be okay I'll be with Mark" she said softly. She started to bring the pills up to her mouth.  
  
  
Will Carter be able to stop Elizabeth from taking the pills.....Find Out In.....Chapter 2:Thank You.......Coming Soon!!! 


	2. Chapter 2:Thank You

This Story takes place right after *On The Beach*   
  
Disclaimer: All ER Characters belong to Warner Bros., Michael Crichton, and NBC  
  
This is a Elizabeth/Carter/Kerry friendship story  
  
After the funeral Elizabeth stars showing signs of depression and Kerry and Carter try to help her but will they be able to?   
  
  
Chapter 2: Thank You  
  
  
Carter sat down on the bed next to her. "Elizabeth I know you miss Mark but those pills in your hand they're not the answer" Elizabeth looked at him. Tears ran down her cheeks. "I'm a doctor Carter a surgeon and I couldn't save my husband" "Do you have any idea what it feels like being a doctor and not being able to save someone you care about"  
  
Carter nodded "Yes Elizabeth I do there was a friend of mine Dennis Gant he worked at County about a year before you came" "He was hit by an EL train and there was nothing I could do for him" "Then there was Lucy I was the experienced doctor I should have known Paul Sorbriki was dangerous" He looked at her "and Mark, I kept thinking I'm a doctor so why can't I help him" "Mark was one of my best friends and in alot of ways he was my mentor and there was nothing I could do to save him" A few tears slid down his cheeks he quickly brushed then away.  
  
  
Elizabeth looked at him. "I'm sorry Carter" she whispered. She looked at the pills in her hand. "I just don't know how to go on with out him" "He was everything to me with out him I have nothing" Carter gently wiped away her tears. "That's not true you have Ella, Rachel, and a room full of friends who care about you" She sighed sadly. "I know but its just not enough all I want to do is be with Mark" she whispered. Carter nodded "I know you do Elizabeth and someday you will be with him again" She looked at him. "Why wait when I can be with him now"   
  
  
Carter needed to get through to her. He couldn't let her hurt herself. "Because you still have a long life to live" "Don't you want to see Ella grow up" She shrugged her shoulders. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders and looked right into her sad tear filled eyes. "What about Mark" he asked "Do you think he'd want you to do this to yourself Elizabeth" he asked softly. Again she shrugged her shoulders. She looked down at the pills in her hand. She started sobbing as she hurled the pills across the room. She hurled the glass of water across the room too. It hit the wall near the door shattering.   
  
  
Carter pulled her into a hug. She sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm...I'm scared Carter" she said through her sobs. "I...I lost the love of my life and now I'm...I'm alone" He gently rocked her. "Shh its okay Elizabeth you're not alone I'm here" he whispered. He held her and let her cry. "Thank you Carter" she whispered as she cried herself to sleep. Carter gently laid her down in her bed and pulled the covers over her. He softly kissed her forehead. He stood there watching her sleep. He was able to stop her this time but what if there's a next time would he be ale to stop her again.  
  
  
Will there be a next time? If there is will Carter be able to stop her again ....Find Out In.....Chapter 3:Life Alone...Coming Soon 


	3. Chapter 3:Alone

This Story takes place right after *On The Beach* The only thing different is Carter and Susan are still together and so are Luka and Abby.  
  
Disclaimer: All ER Characters belong to Warner Bros., Michael Crichton, and NBC  
  
This is a Elizabeth/Carter/Kerry/ Susan friendship story  
  
After the funeral Elizabeth starts showing signs of depression and Kerry and Carter try to help her but will   
they be able to  
  
  
Chapter 3: Alone  
  
  
A few hours later Elizabeth awoke to find herself in her bed with the covers over her. She sat up and looked around remembering the pills and glass. She glanced over to the wall and noticed the glass fragments and been picked up and so had the pills. She got out of bed and walked out into the hall. She heard noises downstairs.   
  
  
She made her way downstairs. The living room was silent everyone had left except for Kerry. She was sitting on the couch playing patty cake with Ella. She looked up and saw Elizabeth. "Hi" she said softly. Elizabeth looked at her "What are you still doing here" she asked. Kerry smiled a little. "Well Rachel went out with Jen for awhile so I stayed to look after Ella while you slept." Elizabeth was about to reply when she heard a crash in the kitchen.   
  
  
  
Elizabeth pushed open the kitchen door and saw Carter and Susan cleaning up a broken dish. "What are you two doing" she asked. Susan looked up at her "We were washing the dishes when John broke one" Carter looked at her. "I dropped it no Susan I was handing it to you and you dropped it" he giggled. Elizabeth sighed "I don't care who dropped it" she said. She looked down at the broken fragments of the plate. She was tempted to grab a fragment and glide it across her wrist. Just one quick slash and she'd get to be with Mark again.   
  
  
  
Elizabeth came out of her day dream to see Carter and Susan sharing a kiss. A few tears fell from her eyes as she raced out of the kitchen. She fell on to the couch next to Kerry covering her face as more tears came. Kerry sat Ella on the floor with some toys and turned towards Elizabeth. "Elizabeth" she whispered. She looked up at Kerry her face streaked with tears. They were kissing Kerry." "Who" she asked "Susan and Carter" Elizabeth sighed sadly. "Its not fair she has Carter, Abby has Luka, Carol has Doug, Cleo has Peter, and you have Sandy" more tears filled her eyes "Why me Kerry why was Mark taken from me" she cried.  
  
  
  
Kerry pulled Elizabeth into a hug. "I don't know Elizabeth I don't know" she whispered as she looked up and saw Susan and Carter standing there. They heard everything Elizabeth had said. Carter put his arm around Susan as her own tears fell. Elizabeth pulled away from Kerry leaving a big wet spot on her blouse from her tears. "I'm sorry" she whispered. Kerry smiled don't worry about it I borrowed this blouse from Sandy" she said with a little giggle. That had gotten a small smile from Elizabeth. She sighed sadly "I miss him Kerry I miss him so much how could he leave me all alone" she whispered as fresh tears filled her eyes.   
  
  
  
Kerry looked at her "You're not alone Elizabeth you have your daughter" She motioned to the baby playing on the floor. "You have Rachel and you have all your friends." She nodded "I know but I still feel alone" Kerry lightly touched her shoulder. "I know but you won't be alone tonight I'm going to stay with you" "So are we" Susan said. Elizabeth looked up "Susan how long have you two been standing there." Susan looked at Carter and back at Elizabeth "Long enough to know our kiss upset you" she told her. "We're so sorry Elizabeth" Carter added. "Its okay" she whispered.  
  
  
  
Elizabeth looked from Kerry to Carter to Susan. "You guys don't have to stay" she said softly. "Susan I'm sure you want to be alone with Carter and Kerry don't you want to go home to Sandy" Susan smiled "I can be alone with John anytime" she said. "Sandy is on duty at the fire station tonight" Kerry replied. "Looks like you're stuck with us" Carter said with a slight giggle. She didn't bother to argue it anymore. "Okay" She whispered "I'll fix the spare bedrooms for you guys" she said as she got up and headed upstairs.  
  
  
She fixed the beds with clean sheets and pillowcases then she went to her room and pulled out two of her night gowns for Kerry and Susan. She walked over to Mark's dresser. Tears filled her eyes as she opened his drawer and pulled out a pair of his pajamas for Carter. She still had on the dress she had worn to the funeral so she reached into Mark's drawer and pulled out one of his tee shirts. She removed her dress and slipped on the tee shirt. She wiped away a few tears from her eyes as she grabbed the night gowns and pajamas off the bed and headed downstairs.   
  
  
Her friends were all seated on the couch playing with Ella. She walked over to them. She handed Kerry and Susan each a night gown. "I though you'd be more comfortable in these" she said. The women smiled and thanked her. She looked at Carter. She handed him the pajamas "They...They were Marks" she whispered. Carter took them as a single tear fell down his cheek. "Thank you" he whispered. Elizabeth just nodded.   
  
  
  
Later that night after Ella had been put to bed and Rachel had returned and settled in her room Kerry went to one bedroom and Susan and Carter went to the other bedroom together. Elizabeth sat in her room alone. She couldn't sleep so she decided to take a bubble bath. She went into the bathroom and filled the tub. She removed her clothes and sank into the warm sudsy water. She glanced over and noticed Mark's razor sitting on the sink. She stretched her arm out and grabbed it. She sat there looking at. Her friends couldn't stop her they were all asleep. All she had to do was slide it across her wrist and her and Mark could be together again. She sat the cool blade against her skin.  
  
  
Will Elizabeth cut herself, Will her friends be able to stop her again....Find Out In....Chapter 4:A Friend In Need.....Coming Soon!!!! 


	4. Chapter 4:A Friend In Need

This Story takes place right after *On The Beach* The only thing different is Carter and Susan are still together and so are Luka and Abby.  
  
Disclaimer: All ER Characters belong to Warner Bros., Michael Crichton, and NBC  
  
This is a Elizabeth/Carter/Kerry/ Susan friendship story  
  
After the funeral Elizabeth starts showing signs of depression and Kerry, Carter, and Susan try to help her but will   
they be able to  
  
  
Chapter 4:A Friend In Need  
  
  
Elizabeth sat in the warm sudsy water with the blade against her skin. Tears ran freely down her cheeks as thoughts of Mark ran through her mind.   
  
Susan yawned as she sat up. Carter looked up at her "Where you going" he asked groggily. She smiled "I need to use the bathroom" she told him as she leaned down and kissed him gently. Carter smiled as he watched her leave the room. She padded down the hall to the bathroom. She stopped in front of the door when she heard what sounded like someone crying softly. She quietly pushed open the door. She saw Elizabeth sitting in a bubble bath crying softly and holding a razor to her wrist.   
  
  
She stepped inside. "Elizabeth" she whispered. Elizabeth was startled by someone's voice. She looked up and saw Susan standing there. "Just leave me alone" she whispered "Go back to Carter" Susan looked at her with sad eyes. "No Elizabeth I won't leave you alone so you can hurt yourself" she said softly. Elizabeth looked at her "Why do you care" she asked "I know you don't like me because I had Mark and you didn't" she said. Susan was a little surprised by that. "Elizabeth of course I like you I saw the way Mark lit up when he talked about you or saw you" "You made him happier than I've ever seen him" she told her.  
  
  
More tears filled Elizabeth's eyes. "Really" she asked. Susan nodded "Yes" "Elizabeth I've loved Mark for 8 years and he loved me too but I was stupid I left and moved to Phoenix" "5 years later I came back to find the man I loved happily married with a brand new baby girl but I was never jealous I was just happy that he was happy" "Elizabeth you meant everything to Mark" Elizabeth sighed sadly "Then why did he leave me" she said softly as she looked down at the razor.  
  
  
Susan felt her eyes filling with tears. "He never wanted to leave you Elizabeth" "The night he returned from New York he got sick" "You were in a hotel somewhere and Rachel was at a friend's house so I stayed with Mark" "We sat on the couch he had his head resting on my lap tears filled his eyes As he told me how he didn't want to leave you or the girls" She said brushing away her fallen tears. Elizabeth looked at her "I should have been there" she whispered "because of me Mark lost some precious time with Ella and I" "I never should have told him to choose between his daughters" "I should have been there" She cried.   
  
  
Susan looked at her. "You were there Elizabeth you were there when he needed you most" "Mark got to spend his final days with you and his girls in paradise" Elizabeth started to cry more "I watched him get worse and worse I didn't do anything Susan" she said through her tears. "Elizabeth there was nothing you could do there was nothing any of us could do" Susan said as she reached for a towel. "Here why don't you give me the razor you'll feel better after a good night's sleep" Elizabeth looked at the razor in her hand. She slowly reached out and handed it to Susan. She stepped out of the tub and dried off. She put Mark's tee shirt back on and padded down the hall to her bedroom. Susan followed her.   
  
  
Elizabeth climbed into bed. She then heard Ella starting to cry. Susan smiled "I'll get her you try and get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning. Elizabeth gave her a small smile. "Thank you Susan for everything" She nodded "You're welcome" she said as she left the room.  
  
  
Susan went to the nursery. She changed and fed Ella. She rocked her and sang softly to her. She set her back in her crib and kissed her forehead. "Sweet dreams little one" She whispered as she left the room. She made her way back to her room. She climbed into bed and snuggled up to Carter and silently cried for Mark and for Elizabeth. She knew Elizabeth needed help. She sighed softly hoping Elizabeth would be alright.  
  
Will Elizabeth be alright.... will her friends get her the help she needs....Find Out In...Chapter 5: Help Me....Coming Soon!!! 


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